The Ways of the Alongsider

By: Bill Mowry

ISBN: 978-1631465727

READ: Numerous Times

RATING: 9/10

Summary: Next to the Bible, I use this book more than any other to help people get disciple making. Written for the everyday disciple maker in mind, I have also used it with pastors and church leaders. What sets this book apart from other discipleship books is its focus on practical disciple making skills. This is a hybrid book/workbook that straddles that line very well. The questions are insightful and require reflection, as opposed to “crank a blank” questions that appear in many workbooks and Bible studies. It’s so close to a 10 for me, but it is a little light on vision (I supplement Trotman’s “Born to Reproduce” to help with this). If you haven’t read it do so, then see how you like it when helping others develop into disciple makers.

Chapter titles are: Introduction Welcome to the Adventure Part One: Foundations. 1. The Way of the Amateur 2. The Way of Love 3. The Way of Intentionality 4. The Way of Prayer Part Two: Skills. 5. The Way of Relationships 6. The Way of Depth 7. The Way of the Word 8. The Way of Discovery 9. The Way of the Triple Play 10. The Way of Mission Appendices, Leader’s Guide

Introduction:

“For too long, we’ve assumed that disciplemaking is a complicated process best left to the ministry professional….The goal of this book is to describe some ‘ways’—patterns of life and ministry—to help people make disciple who make disciples.” Pg. xi

How to get the most from the book. Pg. xii-xiv

1. Experience it, don’t just read it.

2. The power is found in application and accountability with friends.

3. Apply the Bullseye

4. Use the tools.

Part 1: Foundations

Chapter 1: The Way of the Amateur

“Alongsiders do it from love.” Pg. 1

“Jesus aimed to start a movement which would reach the whole world. He had three years in which to do it. And He deliberately devoted Himself to twelve men…It occurred to me that such a strategy could not be improved upon.” -Richard Halverson pg. 1

“They reached out to Matt because they believed that’s what Jesus’ disciples do. Disciples walk across the street, befriend a neighbor, serve him or her, and start faith conversations.” Pg. 2

“They demonstrated a simple, relational ministry strategy: Walk across the street, befriend a neighbor, start a faith conversation, and watch God do the rest. You could call my parents ministry amateurs.” Pg. 2.

“The word amateur comes from the Latin word meaning “lover.” Pg. 2

“The apostles could be labeled the first ministry amateurs.” Pg. 2

“‘The great mission of Christianity [in converting the Roman Empire] was in reality accomplished by the means of informal missionaries.’” – Michael Green

“They did it naturally, enthusiastically, and with the conviction of those who are not paid to say that sort of thing.” Pg. 3

“No Christian rises higher than the beauty and quality of the pictures that hang in the gallery of his or her mind.” Warren Wiersbe pg. 3

“When we minister as alongsiders, we earn the right to intentionally become involved in people’s lives. Alongsiders partner with the Holy Spirit, helping others wholeheartedly follow Jesus in all of life. We purposefully do this in simple, life-to-life ways: loving one another, reading the Bible, telling stories, asking questions, encouraging applications, and living on mission.” Pg. 4

“The ministry of the alongsider is derived from the Greek concept of paraclesis, meaning ‘a calling to one’s side,’ ‘an active helper or counselor.’ The Holy Spirit is the ultimate alongsider, a Helper who is with us forever (John 14:16, 26).” Pg. 4

“Paracletic language is the language of he Holy Spirit, a language of relationship and intimacy, a way of speaking and listening that gets the words of Jesus inside us.” Eugene Petersen pg. 4

“In life-to-life ministry, relationships become the highway for spiritual transformation.” Pg. 5

“The apostle Paul practiced a relational approach to ministry. Even though his mission as an apostle typically meant launching a church and then moving on, he demonstrated a relational approach to ministry.” Pg. 5

“…we can sometimes exclude the gap between conversion and eternity, life lived in the middle. This life in the middle happens between Sunday services, where we live, work, study, and play. Alongsiders know that discipleship is what happens in the middle.” Pg. 6

“The test of a disciple’s life is not found in a worship service or a retreat but in the middle of a crooked generation.” Pg. 6

“Instead of being the teacher, placed above students, alongsiders see themselves as companions on the journey, purposefully coming alongside people to follow Christ together. To do this we must hang a new picture of where discipleship happens.” Pg. 7

“Living as an alongside is highly relational but not haphazard. Like the apostle Paul, we want to intentionally ‘present everyone mature in Christ’ (Colossians 1:28). What we do is very purposeful and intentional. We are friend with an agenda!” pg. 7

“Personal application is a key to a changed life.” Pg. 10

Chapter 2 – The Way of Love

“When God becomes a constant companion, every corner of life is occupied by the sense of God’s presence.” – Jan Johnson pg. 13

“Reading the Bible and praying were natural parts of what we did to grow in Christ.” Pg. `3

“The principle I grasped was that the Lord was inviting me into a relationship marked by closeness and worship, obedience, and wonder.” Pg. 14

“Author John Stott writes that Christians should be ‘spiritual dipsomaniacs’—people who are always thirsty for God.” Pg. 14

“I think life’s greatest privilege is helping people fall in love with the Lord Jesus.” Pg. 14

“Living in God’s love starts with His seeking us and our seeking Him.” Pg. 15

“We invite God into our lives to be more than a guest. He longs to become a permanent resident (Rev. 3:20). His residency, through the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-16), becomes a presence for change.” Pg. 15

“We make choices not only to believe but to live in His love.” Pg. 16

“We grow in our love for God when we come alongside Him through a daily time in His word and prayer.” Pg. 19

Plan for developing a daily time with God pg. 22

1. Renew

2. Read

3. Reflect

4. Respond

5. Record

Chapter 3 – The Way of Intentionality

“Alongsiders think big, but start small.” Pg. 25

“God enjoys reversing the order of things.” Pg. 25

“…we can’t grow the church until we go small.” Pg. 26

“Jesus’ way of intentionality goes against our usual standards of success. As His ministry progressed, He spent more time with the Twelve than with the multitudes. Let’s be honest, we get more excited about how many people attend a meeting than how many people are living as Jesus’ followers. But less is more in Jesus’ way of ministry. He knew that discipleship does not take place with the many, but with the few and the one.” Pg. 26

“Jesus’ message of God’s love was radically inclusive in a world where religions were anything but. Ancient religions were tribal, defined by ethnic and political boundaries. Different people groups, nationalities, and city-states all worshiped their own god or gods. These deities would, not surprisingly, support the cultural and political agendas of the particular groups to which they belonged.” – Bruxy Cavey pg. 27

“When a rabbi asked someone to follow him, it was more than a casual relationship. This was an intentional commitment to learn from a master. In Jesus’ use of the word, it meant a decision on the part of the learner to allow His teachings to shape and transform his or her life. Living out Jesus’ teachings translates into a way of life. Discipleship describes a lifetime quest to intentionally learn and live the ways of Jesus in the here and now.” Pg. 30

“Without a bulls-eye, we shoot our discipleship arrows randomly and miss the target.” Pg. 30

“A simple biblical principle is that each believer has the potential to influence others for Christ. This influence is often pictured in generations….Our goal is spiritual generations, disciples who make disciples, passing on the way of Christ from one generation to another generation. Growth in the church becomes a process of multiplication rather than addition.” Pg. 32

Chapter 4 – The Way of Prayer

“Alongsiders partner with God through prayer.” Pg. 37

“Talking to men for God is a great thing, but talking to God for men is greater still.” Pg. 37

“Alongsiders are convinced that prayer advances the Great Commission.” Pg. 38

“Prayer was one of His most common teaching subjects.” Pg. 38

“When we examine the prayer lives of Jesus and Paul, we see how they prayed “macro” prayers. These macro prayers focused on protection from the evil one, experiencing joy, enlightened hearts, or the true knowledge of God’s hope.” Pg. 41

Part Two: Skills

Chapter 5: The Way of Relationships

“Alongsiders build authentic friendships.” Pg. 47

“When we speak of our virtues, we are competitors; when we confess our sins we become brothers.” -Karl Barth pg. 47

“Instead of building a relationship, one where I assumed an interest and concern for his life, I had assumed the role of competent trainer. I allowed my position to rob us of a relationship.” Pg. 47-48

“Authenticity is most often experienced in routines and common places of where we live, work, or play.” Pg. 48

“Alongsiders believe that discipleship travels in the vehicle of authentic everyday relationships.” Pg. 48

“…when we intentionally come alongside people in authentic relationships, our lives soon become transparent.” Pg. 48

“Jesus built relationships in the common places of life. Most of His ministry took place outside of religious settings. It was in the ordinariness of life, shared with His twelve companions, that our Lord lived authentically, displaying love, transparency, and vulnerability to others.” Pg. 48

“Alongsiders do not [primarily] give instructions from a distance.” Pg. 51

“Transparency is a willingness to expose my personal struggles, fears, and life issues inside the safety of friendship.” Pg. 53

“Vulenrability moves a step beyond transparency. Vulnerability does more than share needs or hurts. It invites people into my life to help support, encourage, or correct me in times of need.” Pg. 54

“Multiple story lines compete for attention. The God theme of our lives jumps off the page.” Pg. 55

“Alongsiders know how to skillfully read the God-themes of their neighbors, relatives, or coworkers.” Pg. 55

“Investing in people means devoting time and energy into an individual because of their inherent worth and potential for the Kingdom.” Pg. 56

“Discipleship is sticking with people until they get it.” – John Ed Robertson pg. 56-57

Chapter 6: The Way of Depth

“Alongsiders go deep in relationships.” Pg. 59

“Going deep with people means connecting with and exploring the backstories of their lives.” Pg. 60

“He was never satisfied with the status quo of a person’s life. Whether a tax collector, Roman soldier, or a Samaritan woman, Jesus went deep with people, connecting with their backstories and challenging them for life change.” Pg. 60

“Following Jesus’ example, alongsiders know how to go deep with people.” pg. 60

“When a friend invites us into his or her backstory, we’ve earned the right to be a change agent for Christ.” Pg. 60

“By listening and by practicing five levels of communication, we come alongside the story that God is shaping in people’s lives.” Pg. 60

“Relationships are only as good as the communication between people.” pg. 62

5 Levels of Communication pg 62:

1. Cliché

2. Information

3. Judgments/Values

4. Feelings

5. Peak

“Love should be the mark of His disciples.” Pg. 66

CARE Acronym pg 66-67

C – Be Concerned about people in your discipleship group

A – Ask question by practicing curiosity

R – Remember what happened in the last conversation or time together

E – Engage in action

Chapter 7: The Way of the Word

“Alongsiders help others spread love and live the Scriptures.”

“Everyday in which I do not penetrate more deeply into the knowledge of God’s word in the Holy Scriptures is a lost day for me.” Pg. 69

“Alongsiders learn from the examples of Jesus and the apostle Paul.” Pg. 70

“We hold in our hands God’s means of transformation, the Bible. This book should be at the center of an alongsider’s discipling relationships.” Pg. 70

“There should always be an open Bible between me and the person I’m discipling.” Pg. 70

“The Scriptures ministry of teaching puts us on the path for living a godly life. We periodically get off the path and need a rebuke to correct our error. Now the Holy Spirit comes alongside, through the Scriptures, and corrects us, showing us how to get back on the path. Training is the Bible’s ministry to keep us on track.” Pg. 71

“Alongsiders have a grip on the Scriptures.” Pg. 72

“Alongsiders practice truth-telling.” Pg. 72

“Truth-telling is a hard, but essential ministry of an alongsider. It can mean identifying sin, admonishing a change in behavior or attitude, or a blessing that gives affirmation.” Pg. 73

“Alongsiders help people meditate on the Bible.” Pg. 74

Chapter 8: The Way of the Discovery

“Alongsiders ask questions and tell stories.” Pg. 79

“Research tells us that people remember far more of what they say than what they hear, and far more of what they discover for themselves than what they are spoon-fed.” Pg. 79

“We often forget that telling is not teaching, and listening is not learning.” Pg. 80

“While listening to a gifted teacher is important, the Bible also intends for learning to be a life-to-life experience in the company of family and friends (Dt. 6:6-9). All of life is a place of learning for Jesus’ disciples. Alongsiders purposefully open the doors of discovery right where people live, work, or play.” Pg. 80

“As an alongsider your task is simple. Instead of an expert who has all the knowledge, you’re an intentional partner with a friend in a learning journey. Together you make discoveries, ask questions, and encourage application.” Pg. 80

“Author Philip Yancey obersrved that in the Gospels people approached Jesus with questions 183 times, but He replied with a direct answer only three times.” Pg. 80

“Evidently Jesus wants us to work out answers on our own, using the principles that he taught and lived.” -Philip Yancey, Pg. 80

“Imagine the life of discipleship as a life of active learning.” Pg. 82

“Alongsiders intentionally ask good questions.” Pg. 82

“Discovery often starts with a good question.” Pg. 82

“A well-placed question acts as an explosion in a conversation, exposing new discoveries, insights, and applications.” Pg. 82

Three qualities grow our ability to ask questions: (illustrated as a triangle) pg. 82-83

1. Trust – Base of the triangle

2. Timing - Left side of triangle

3. Type – Right side of triangle.

“The way of discovery builds bridges for learning.” Pg. 84

“A mental framework for asking questions can be like building a ‘Question Bridge’ for spiritual growth. Imagine two cliffs separated by a chasm. On the right side of the cliff is a picture (P) or a desired goal…on the left side is the cliff of reality (R)…Between the two are the necessary action steps (A) to move from the current reality to the desired future.” Pg. 85

“Alongsiders use personal stories.” Pg. 87

“Stories both illustrate truth and provoke us to think more deeply.” Pg. 87

“Story telling is on the informal side of Jesus’ teaching ministry.” Pg. 87

What makes a good story? Pg. 87

1. Concise

2. Connect with the commonplace

3. Use vivid illustrations

4. Are personal

5. Help us think

Chapter 9: The Way of the Triple Play

“Alongsiders practice application, accountability, and affirmation” pg. 93

“Application means to bring together God’s truth and God’s people in such a way that the people’s hearts feel the truth, their minds understand the truth, and their wills want to act on what they’ve heard from the Word.” Pg. 93

“Alongsiders encourage application.” Pg. 94

“Jesus was not interested in transferring information, but in transforming lives. He expected people to apply what he taught.” Pg. 94

“Personal application is a practical way to practice obedience.” Pg. 94

“Personal applications should be measurable. Measurable steps usually indicate a what, when, where, and how.” Pg. 95

SPECK ACRONYM pg. 95

S – Is there a sin to confess?

P – Is there a promise to claim?

E – Is there an example to follow?

C – Is there a command to obey?

K – Is there new knowledge or insight about God?

“Applications are usually an immediate response to the Holy Spirit, something we can do today or in the immediate future, rather than a long-term action.” Pg. 95

“Alongsider believe love is spelled A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y” pg. 96

“Accountability is the action of helping one another to be faithful. We become partners in faithfulness with someone else.” Pg. 96

“What does accountability look like in a discipling relationship?” pg. 96

“Successful accountability relationships are built on two basic principles: Accountability is given and not demanded…Ultimate accountability is to God and not to me.” Pg. 97-98

Simple Practices of Affirmation: Pg. 100

-Quality affirmation affirms progress

-Quality affirmation is specific

-Quality affirmation is God-centered

-Quality affirmation is about others and not yourself.

“Even in the honesty of a discipleship triad, these backstories may not be readily apparent. To connect with this backstory, alongsiders practice the tool of one-to-one time.” Pg. 101

Chapter 10: The Way of Mission

“Alongsiders recruit people to live as insiders.” Pg. 103

“An insider shares a common space, purpose, or interest with a group of people. As Christ followers, we’re all insiders somewhere and to someone.” Pg. 104

“Living on mission means hanging up the new picture of an insider.” Pg. 104

“Making disciples is not an end in itself. God’s heart beats for the world….If every insider is next to someone, then with enough insiders, we can be next to everyone.” Pg. 104

“Insiders are a New Testament Strategy” pg. 104

“Alongsiders multiply the Gospel’s influence by discipling insiders.” Pg. 105

“Paul’s ministry strategy depended on insiders.” Pg. 105

“It was among these new converts that Paul established spiritual beachheads, new groups of believers who could reach out to their families and friends.” Pg. 106

“Since the Roman authorities did not recognize Christianity as a permitted religion, gathering for Christian worship constituted a punishable offense. Without access to public places, the physical home and social networks were ideal meeting and growth places for the gospel.” Pg. 106

“Insiders know evangelism is a process.” Pg. 109

“Experience and the Scriptures demonstrate that four things are needed in this process:

 -Relationship

 -Interest

 -Insight

 -Conviction

Another way to view this relationship is like this: building a relationship, creating interest, lead to insight, and encourage conviction. Pg. 109