Hey welcome back to the practitioners podcast where we are applying Jesus' style disciple-making to everyday life. This episode is powered by navigators church ministries. Where they are really focused on helping pastors and church leaders develop cultures of disciple-making in the local church and beyond if you haven't yet go ahead and check out their website@navigatorschurchministries.org.

Well Hey welcome back everybody. This is Justin and we are doing a first here for the practitioners podcast. This is a solo episode. So I am without my sidekick and partner in crime Tony Miltenberger. And to be honest we we just decided that we'd do a solo episode on something that we were passionate about but also have unique insight into.

And so I'm going to be talking with you guys today about what it looks like to be an introvert. And a disciple maker and and some keys on helping introverts become excellent disciple makers. And as an introvert I have to tell you I'm a little bit nervous to have the whole episode without somebody else to bounce thoughts off of or to You know fill in some of the gaps at the time but we're gonna make it we're gonna do it together.

let me just say if you are not an introvert do not tune out because about a third to a half of the world are introverts. And so you know somebody that's an introvert and you love somebody. That's an introvert whether it's a family member or a friend. And I've heard it said that introverts don't know how to make friends.

They're just adopted by extroverts. And that's kind of kind of funny in one way kind of true and another and kind of offensive in another way. So but all that to say if you're an extrovert please stay don't go anywhere. There there are things in here this episode that will be significant for you and those that you care about as well.

but I just want to start by. making some some clear clear definitions around what we're talking about. So introvert extrovert to be clear how the definition that I want to use around what an what is an introvert today is an introvert is someone who is their attention is aimed inward and their energy is replenished through time alone.

So their attention is aimed inward. And their energy is replenished through time alone or with only a couple good friends. So again that's true of me. introverts often on the disciple-making scale that we've referenced here a few times on the podcast the scale is a relational versus intentional.

introverts are normally on the intentional end of that scale and relationships are a little harder. but being an introvert does not equal being socially inept and does not equal social anxiety. Although both of those things are true in my life history and less true now than ever before. But it's something that I've had to overcome and a lot of introverts can relate to that struggle.

introverts go through life reflecting on experiences rather than seeking them. And their inward focus you know tends to lead to a rich inner life that leads to both deep insight and personal nourishment. high stimulus environments with lots of lots of noise or a lot of a lot of things that just provoke stimulus whether it's visual stimulus auditory whatever kind of make it difficult for an introvert to to tune in to what's happening inside of them.

And so they'll often kind of move away from those. And if you just think about that and you think about the American culture American culture is extremely extroverted and that includes not only the culture at large but also church cultures very expressive worship services that in most worship traditions don't leave a lot.

And a lot of them don't even leave any space for silence or reflection within the corporate service. And so these are just some of the ways that it's hard for. introvert in American culture and in Christian culture as well. some of the struggles that introverts have as a result of being a more focused inward and reenergizing getting their energy from time alone is loving others.

And so the relational side would disciple-making is more of a struggle than the intentional side. in my own life and this is true of me and many others. the social anxiety piece or shyness is what it was used to be called a generation or two ago was a real barrier that I had to get through in order to become a fruitful disciple maker.

And I say get through I don't want to communicate that it's over. I mean that is still something that I deal with from time to time although the shape of that struggle and that obstacle looks a lot different now than it used to because I've made so much progress in it. But as as an introvert here are some questions that introvert.

are probably asking if you know an introvert they probably resonate with one or more of the following questions. I think I have five of them here. So first one is why am I always uncomfortable around people? So as introverts we normally have very clear thoughts and very clear We're in tune with what we feel but yet we we have trouble around others.

second question. Why am I so afraid that expressing who I really am or how I really feel would make people reject me a third one? Why can't I get over my social anxiety so I can get close to people. Next one. Why do I feel on guard in every interaction and the fifth one which we'll talk a little bit more about why do I physically tense up?

When I walk into church when I pass through a crowd of people and then finally make it to the safety of my seat you know for a lot of introverts it's not the one-on-one interaction that causes a lot of anxiety. Certainly once we're in. A friendship or relationship. It is the part in between saying hello and getting to a place of depth.

But what tends to happen in churches and especially with disciple-making. Is introverts both sideline themselves and other disciple makers put them on the sideline right away. And let me explain how this happens. So if you're an introvert or know an introvert if you're hearing in a church this idea of personal disciple-making the introvert naturally is going to tense up and think well Wait a second.

That means I have to I'm the one I'm the one that's gonna talk to them and I'm the one that's going to be the one telling them whatever. And and okay. So my options for doing this depending on the church that I'm in and the method of disciple-making that they're advocating is well maybe I have a group of four or five.

That I'm trying to lead to become disciple makers or maybe I have a triad a group of myself and two others or maybe it's just me. One-on-one with somebody else. All of those are generally going to be uncomfortable and pretty scary for introverts because they're not. They're not so afraid of the content side of it because a lot of introverts again have a rich inner life have a deep life with God.

if there's somebody following God. And so it's not that part that scares them so much. It's the relational side. Well okay. Let's say I sit down with somebody for an hour. Yeah. Maybe I talk about. Something in scripture for 20 minutes or 30 minutes but what in the world did we do for the next 30 minutes and for an extrovert or a relational person?

And they say well yeah you just relate to them check in on their life. And and for many introverts that is way more of a challenge and way more intimidating than the content side. And so that's one of the big challenges and that's one of the reasons that a lot of introverts. Will not throw their hat into the ring.

They won't even get started in disciple-making because it's that relational side that they are afraid of. And you heard it in some of the questions that introverts often ask within themselves. But don't verbalize is often is that we will often. approach relationships from a place of fear rather than a place of love.

And we might most of the time we're not even aware it's happening. it happens below the level of awareness. It's not a conscious choice that we're making but when we walk into a setting where we don't know anyone. we can physically feel the tensing up the fear and we we can feel it physically in us.

We can feel it emotionally. And the implications that happen is we'll get into social situations and people will ask really common questions. And even if we even if we think about it beforehand all right somebody's going to ask me. what's been going on or how I'm doing. and I know that fine is not actually a fine response because I have to talk more than that or else it becomes awkward.

And so we we can prep answers right? And this is something I've done in the past. And then I will get to that situation. And the exact question will be asked and I'm like a deer in headlights. My mind has just gone totally blank because I haven't I don't. The physical response of fear overpowers the preparation that I'd done and the result is I I just tense up my mind goes blank.

And if you know an introvert are an introvert you probably if you are one you can relate. I would guess. And if you know one I wouldn't even ask Hey share the episode. Say is this true? Does this this what you experience? And if you're in a trusted relationship with somebody who identifies with this.

I would imagine they'd be able to talk to you about it. but that's one of the struggles. And so what happens is and disciple-making is we will sideline ourselves because we will say I don't want to be in that situation. Now if we could think and visualize sitting down with a good friend and talking about the scriptures and you know just sharing about the things that we've been thinking about or the things that we're wondering and you know having a conversation with a friend around those things Then introverts you know they love that.

They love that. in the in the midst of Oh I have to I have to meet somebody and start this whole new thing that that becomes really really intimidating. And so a lot of times introverts will sideline themselves from disciple-making one-on-one is normally the easiest for an introvert because every introvert can sit down with somebody unless they have a more extreme social anxiety that probably needs to be treated by.

You know a a psychological professional counselor or whatever. but the rent I mean we can sit down with Juan. We can a lot of us can sit down one on two and it's not weird but when we get bigger than that then it starts to feel I feel like something different. and it becomes a lot harder for myself and most introverts that I know.

now I've done all that. Just to be clear I've discipled one-on-one one on two one on three. I've done groups of people. so it's not that they can it's just that it's not going to be as appealing. So we sideline ourselves a lot of times we're sidelined other disciple makers because the people that jump into disciple-making most quickly and easily are normally the extroverts.

Yeah. Let's do it. The early adopters. Oh I get to hang out with people. Great. Meet new people help them with Jesus. That sounds great. And the extroverts will more often struggle with the content side and the intentionality side. and one of the first things that they need to do as an extrovert disciple maker any disciple maker is pick somebody else.

Right? And so they are looking for somebody that as Tony and I help people we say who is fat faithful available teachable. But a lot of people add an I in there for initiative. Other people add heart for God. And so they changed the acronym from fat to faith. And the problem that I have with this is. most introverts do not.

they don't come off as having a lot of initiative right away certainly not relational initiative. and the H if you don't have a heart for God or somebody else doesn't you're probably not considering them anyway but introverts get gets overlooked because the relational people are selecting people that they connect with easily that it's easy to talk to them.

Introverts by and large. it's a little bit harder to talk to us certainly early on if you don't know us that well we're trying our best but but it's hard. And so the extroverts will normally choose other extroverted people or at least people who are more social and talkative. And so again the introverts kind of get left on the sideline there they've already sidelined themselves and then they're left on the sideline and in my life You know the only reason or one of the only reasons I ended up where I am and and being a disciple maker is because when I was 20 years old a guy who was discipling me who was an extrovert and I kinda through a series of circumstances kind of asked him if he would help me learn to share the gospel.

And we got to know each other and he began to see my heart for God. And then I became a good investment for him I think. But I was both socially awkward and not interested in. playing the social games that we play in our culture. So small talk et cetera et cetera. And so I just wouldn't and I'm 20 right.

20 years old. So you know I'd be in social settings and people would ask how I was doing and you know I'd say fine. And. And then I wouldn't really ask them. I mean it was it was awkward for everybody but me because I didn't care and that's where I was in my life but he asked me one day he said Justin I got a question for you.

He said how come you don't really talk to people when when we have our service there. And and I said I went off on small talk and and he said yeah but you're not shy. So I just wonder why you don't. And and I said well you know I don't get anything out of that interaction. I mean we're just you're asking me how how I'm doing.

I'm asking how you're doing. you don't care. I don't care. We don't have space or time to really get into it. So I just choose not to. And he asked me something that looking back seems so basic. But I'd never thought about it. He said well have you ever thought that maybe the other person gets something out of it?

And it was such an out of the box sought for me because I thought I don't know how anyone could get something out of that but but I hadn't. And as I did I started to think okay so there's something else going on here. And I want to give you guys three steps and that kind of sets up my first one.

But three steps to help people who are introverts to become excellent disciple makers. And there are three A's and the first one is awareness. So recognizing that our relational preferences are not the preferences of others and that you know when we are trying to relate to people or love others we have to recognize that if if they're not experiencing love from us then we're not doing a good job loving them.

Let me say that again if they're not experiencing love from us we're not doing a good job loving them. And so I have to you know almost like a missionary get in and understand people who are different from me and how they experience love and receive love. And when I do that I am capable then of relating to people not out of fear first but out of love first.

So I can go into relational settings and think how can I love this person? And that really helps me. The second one is authenticity. So how can I be true to myself and love others? And so one of the keys to this is thinking about people's skills and point of view. And we already thought about that in the first one of awareness.

but the second one under authenticity is this. I have this idea of the truth versus many trues. And so it's might be hard for extroverts to understand but it's really hard for a lot of introverts to say something like it's good to see you or I'm looking forward to seeing you or I really enjoyed our time together.

now there are some times when that is true. No doubt but there are a lot of times when we know that socially maybe it's something we should say but internally for half the meeting we've been wanting the meeting to end so we can go home and and spend time reading or journaling or thinking and reenergizing because we feel the energy kind of S kind of creeping out of us are being poured out.

And so to say well I really enjoyed this. we have to understand something a little bit deeper and the deeper thing is I want I want the person that I'm talking to to understand that they're valued. And so I can communicate to them. I've been looking forward to this now. I have been looking forward to it cause it's on the calendar and there it is.

And I might've wanted it to be off the calendar but it's not. But I've been looking forward to it. Or if I say it's been really good meeting with you it has been good. And it's been good. Maybe not because I've enjoyed every second of it or even the last half of it but it's been good because it's given me the opportunity to show love to you.

It's given me the opportunity to to expand my capacity to relate to others and to show laws. And so then I can say that honestly. So there's a there's a truth that maybe at the front if introverts this is a it's a big obstacle sometimes. Of how can I be authentic and still say things that communicate care and concern and the deeper truth is while I am more concerned and what's more true than my enjoyment of the situation is my care and concern for you.

And so I can say I really enjoyed spending time with you today. I'm really thankful for you and the time that we could share. And so last the authenticity is the second one. The last one is action. And so if we can identify where the battle is for us as an introvert is it you know being aware that we lack awareness then we can address that.

Is it an authenticity that we how can I be true to myself and love others? And still hold to the social norms of relating in our culture. Right. and still be honest right. So we need to be true to who we are. We need to say things. And a lot of times we can do that through the deeper truth. And the last one is that a action?

Right? So how can I find the place where I need to engage? As an introvert to grow in the way that I relate to and show love to others. Because God has asked us two things. If we boil it all down one is to love him deeply. The other is to love others deeply. As an introvert I am really comfortable loving God on my own in the scriptures through prayer.

I am stretched with loving others in person in relationship in the flesh. And so those are the parts for an introvert that really stretch us. all right so we're coming up on time here. I want to I want to kind of sum up our episode with this statement. That spiritual maturity is revealed more by our relating than by our knowing or our going.

Spiritual maturity is is shown or revealed more by our relating than it is by what we know or how we go. And so for introverts this is really important because if we want to be mature maturity is found is revealed in the midst of doing the great commandment loving God our heart soul mind and strength.

And. The great commission loving others ourselves and making disciples of all nations. and so you know this if you're an introvert don't sideline yourself little by little you can become a powerful disciple maker. If you're an extrovert help. Your introvert friends. One of the one of the things that I use Tony for is social settings where I something's happened and I'm just having trouble processing it.

Tony's really natural. And I'll just describe it to them and I'll be like help me out. You know what I miss or what how would you read that situation? And he really helps me. So our takeaway for this episode is introverts can be powerful disciple makers. Action step for you this week is if you're an introvert discern where to apply one of the three A's in your life.

Awareness. Where do you need to be more aware? whether it's relating out of fear out of love how are you doing that? Where are you doing that? Why are you doing that? authenticity. Are there places where you're struggling to be authentic when you feel like society demands it or when your authenticity your saying or being a certain way is creating a relational distance or making it difficult for those that you're trying to love?

To experience love from you. So where is that happening? and then the last one is action. Where is the frontline for you as an introvert? to to address these things. If you're an extrovert your action step share this episode with an introvert that you love and talk about it with them and say Hey any of these things really strike a chord with you.

Is this ringing true for you? and so again extroverts share this with an introvert introvert three A's discern which ones where these apply to you and act on it in your life. again thank you guys for listening. we greatly appreciate whenever you guys share episodes or like them on iTunes leave a rating or review and we'll be back next time.

Thanks again. We made it through together even without Tony. appreciate you guys. Thanks.